


My Body's a Canvas, Your Hands the Brush

by Nobodyhasblindedme



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Artistry, Child Abuse, Hurt and comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-04-15 03:38:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4591554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nobodyhasblindedme/pseuds/Nobodyhasblindedme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Erwin takes on the position of Prime Alpha, he soon realized there was more to this Pack then met the eye, and as leader, it is his job to dole out justice, no matter what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Summary is iffy, sorry about that. But, I promise the story is a lot better! First part of two, based off of the story Chase the Moon by FearTheKeira on ao3. Read it if you like the attack on titan gang as werewolves! It's seriously good. Thanks a bunch! 
> 
> My tumblr name is themarginalthinker, and I do not own the characters or the original story from which this came.

He found the boy by the stream.

Alone, standing quietly and chucking rocks into the water, waiting for a few moments after each toss to watch the small grey fish scatter and regroup before tossing in another stone. 

It was nearing dark, the last of the sunlight dipping below a distant horizon, casting the world into magnificent shades of magenta and vermillions, royal purples and cool lapis. The forest around them hummed with the last vestigaes of the day-gone-by, the shadows of the trees about them lengthening. Erwin's ear flicked as the almost silent fluttering of leathery wings darted overhead, the bats finally waking to fill their bellies with pests and deep-woodland insects.

The man watched silently from his pearch on a nearby boulder, sitting back on his furry haunches to observe the boy a little more closely without the pup spooking at the sight of him and running off.  He really didn't want to frighten the boy, frighten any pup for that matter, the thought sitting like sour milk on his tongue...he knew that the sudden power shift in the Pack would take some time to settle down, what with Erwin being confronted by other alphas interested in taking up the position and seeing a way to get it now, the mates and children of these alphas left to clean up the mess later, but he had thought at least a majority of the childen had taken to him by now. He tried his damn hardest to be friendly and open with everyone, non-threatening and gentle. The parents aproved, and the pups didnt balk at his presence anymore. 

However, it apeared that not all was well. 

While most had accepted his rule and dominance, settling back down into regualr everyday life...there were those who seemed so vehement on keeping as seperate from him as they could while not leaving the Pack. Erwin was also starting to suspect this trickled down in...rather unvavorable ways. 

Jean had not heard him come into the small glen - the sounds of the evening forest must have covered his aproach - and Erwin had not made his presence know yet. Not yet...

While ERwin respected whatever boundaried people put in place normaly, this could not hold, would not wait, and with the boy fleeing from him whenever he got within ten meters, it would be impossible to determine the problem any other way. 

So the alpha watched, observed. Took notice of things he could not at a distance. 

Whenever Jean threw a stone into the water, the boy leaned to one side, taking most of his weight onto his let side. Favoring it. Keen blue eyes also noted, oppositly, the pup's right arm was stiff, held tightly to the boy's side as if it were painful to move it too much. 

Now...pups got in squabbles and rough play-fights all the time. It was a common occurence and helped build fighting skills and a sense of Pack bonding that would help them be a true Pack later in life. It would also, when the pups grew older, closer to Presenting age, help determine a vital internal hierarchy between peers. So, in reality, Erwin might very well be worrying over nothing more then horseplay injuries not yet healed, over-reacting like the protective alpha he was. 

Exept Erwin had not once in the three weeks since he'd astablished himself as Prime Alpha here, seen young Jean running with the others. Never. 

He'd caught glimpses of the boy playing a few tamer games with one or two others around the densite, but never out and about galivanting off into the trees of his home, like any other would. Now, not all pups liked to play so rough...but even some of the youngest and smallest could be caught rolling in the dust and snapping at each other at times.

It was extremely disconcerting. 

Erwin sighed, the sound of it once more covered by the evening world around him. All this conjecture really wasn't geting him anywhere. Eyes hardening, heart clenching at the steps he supposed woud be necessary to dig to bottom of this pit-trap, the alpha stood, and leapt down from the boulder, deliberatly alowing his wieght to transfer to his feet, the audible THUMP left in his wake jarring his four legs. They were not the only things jarred by his sudden decent, either. 

Jean had most definitly heard (or even felt, for Erwin was no small beast) and was twisted around, eyes wide with sudden startlement, his young clear scent filling the small space with surprise and a cloying undercurrent of...fear. Erwin huffed a breath, then cocked an ear to the side, quizically, comically. Gently now...  The transformation into human form was swift, bones jigsawing into place, fur disipating into nothingness, untill the feel of pure skin under clothing and balance shifting from four legs to two was all he could feel. 

Jean was still watching him, mouth slightly agpe, eyebrows and body drawn in tight lines, ready to run. Erwin took a single step forward, the boy taking an equal step back. A look of what could have been mild desperation flashing over his face as the pup realized Erwin stood between him and the way back to the dens, any other exit blocked by the stream, or dense forest. The alpha paused, reconsidering as the faint scent of fear became sharper, flitering past the scents of trees and creek-mud. He really truely didn't want Jean to be afraid, but this wasn't helping...He deliberated

 and took back his step forward, effectivly indicating on an instinctual level that Jean had control of the playing feild now. He was willing to back off if necessery. 

Jean's expression remained impervious, suspicion still darkening his eyes and hesitation coloring his scent. At least he wasn't set to spring any more...

Erwin now...was at a bit of a loss. He liked children, and had minor fantasies that after taking up a stable position of power of some form (done) and gaining a mate he loved and would be willing to share his life with (check) he'd consider bringing up the delicate suggestion of pups. Children wern't particualrly dificult, so long as you were attentive and honest with them, but, then again, he really hadn't had to deal with...whatever this was. Whatever was affecting this singualr child. Walking on eggshells wasn't the term for it. I was so much more fragile and would break so completly...

Hell, Erwin thought, he hadn't even considered what on earth he'd say to the boy before now. An idea, an outline, maybe..

The man hadn't realized he'd been staring until Jean made a small whine, side stepping a bit towards the right, gazing past Erwin's shoulder at the path up to the dens. Right...situation at hand...

The boy startled once more when the man turned his weight and sat himself on the cool sandy ground, relaxing every bit of himself, purposfully. Sighing and leaning back onto his braced arms, a little ray of fading light breaking through the canopy to wash his face in brilliant reds and golds. Jean continued to eye him and the path. If he wanted to flee, then he had no right to stop him, but Erwin so wanted to make this work. 

He felt like he needed to make this work. 

It was silent between them. Awkward in the worst sense of the word, and both knew it. Hell, maybe this had really been a horrible idea after all - nope, now this was definitly coming of as weird, yeah, you screwed it all up good fucking job you sad excuse of an alpha fuck. 

Erwin ignored just how much his little accusing voice sounded like his mate. 

The boy's strange looks continued, and in a fit of mild embarrasment, Erwin was about ready to get up, and bring back the pup with him to the dens, when his hand brushed something hard inside his trouser's pocket. He blinked, sure he hadn't left anything in there before - 

His notebook. Or, more acuratly, his sketchbook. 

The little thing was older, leather cver once a dark dyed burgundy, now a sort of of-brown and wearing so as the thin thick-paper base coul be seen through the corners where one of the brass corner protecters had been lost. The key-clasp still worked though, and it neatly into the palms of two his two hands making for fast and easy drawing material. Erwin considered the book for a moment, before a rustle of leafmold and clothing caught his attention. Looking up, he saw Jean had noticed his sudden involvment with his pocket, and had shifted to look too. 

 

 "...What's that?" 

 The man smiled, friendly. He fiddled with the clasp or a moment and the book popped open - he must have forgotten to lock it last time he used it. It was the first time Jean had spoken to him of his own volition, and Erwin would be a fool to miss a chance to turn the situation around. The alpha shrugged, voice careless. 

"Just a drawing book. It's..something of a pastime of mine, heh, though, I doubt I'll have much time for it now that I'm a Prime Alpha, no?" He chuckled lightly. 

Jean remained wary still, no doubt thinking of their past encounters and of whatever it was keeping him from behaving normally, but, with eyes darting from him to the book and back again, took a single step closer, body held low in respect of the alpha. Baby steps, Erwin... He tilted the book slightly drawing attention to it, the brass key-clasp catching the ray of light, glinting merrily. He waited a minute, to see if the boy would come closer, but it looked like he'd need an invitation of some kind. 

 The man tilted his head in question. "Would you like to see?" 

Jean jolted at the sudden inquiry, a glower dancing in his eyes for a moment before evidently thinking better of sending dirty looks at his alpha. Shifting from foot to foot, the pup's cross look turned suspicious and indecisive. A bit odd, the latter emotion. Jean had always struck him as a very decisive person, always so sure of himself...

"...Father said things like that are dumb and wasteful. He said time should be spent..uh...being useful and purposeful." 

Erwin's lips thinned, and his nape prickled in irritation. The very notion... 

So that was it, ey?

 Sensing his sudden change of mood, Jean looked up, eyes widening, body growing tense, prepared, sucking in an unsteady breath. Prepared for what, though? Erwin had no reason to lash out at him, the boy had done no ill, yet he looked about ready to run for it. Again.

The blonde alpha realized he should be so lucky the pup had not made a break for it yet,  his curiosity probably the only thing keeping him. Erwin needed to use that, see if any more of the situation could be salvaged. Relaxing his shoulders, giving them a carefully carelessly shrug (and lessening his scent, for good measure,) erwin turned back to the notebook, flipping through the first few pages. Jean, seeing this change of pace, remained alert, but crept just a few lengths closer, sniffing lightly, inspecting. The easy smile was back in place. 

"Oh? Shame. I personally think drawing is pleny of time well-spent." Time to really test the waters. " It lets you escape from the burdens everyday life puts upon us for a while, let's you run free in a world all of your own making." 

Erwin flipped another couple pages, capturing the full attention of the boy, his eyes growing minutely wider each time as brief looks of the art inside could be seen. 

"It lets you capture the beauty of the world..."   A page depicting an eagle, soaring in the bright of a summers day. "...And the ugliness all the same." The eagle now lay prostrate upon the ground, a human crossbow bolt growing like a twisted tree from its breast; he'd seen the huntsman shoot it down, not interfering but deciding to capture the moment in charcoal and ink anyway. 

Erwin glanced up once more, eyeing the pup from the corner of his vision. Jean looked...awestruck, honestly. Erwin felt something akin to pride growing under his heart. He knew he wasn't the best artist out there - had seen far better in his travels - but to inspire a child to think and feel and hopefully create all on thier own was quite a lovely thing. As it was, Jean was now close enough to properly see the pages as Erwin leafed slowly through them, young eyes hungerly taking in all the details; every pencil mark and brush stroke. 

Erwin himself was doing much the same. 

Quick cerulean yes traced the thin pups form, noting how he'd been correct in assuming he was favoring his left leg, and while he couldn't be certain - Jean was wearing long trousers that came to just a few inches above his ankles -  the alpha thought he saw something large, black, and purple, blotchy against the smooth skin of the pups right shin. Indeed...  
   
"Do you like drawing?" 

The boy was still completely enamoured with Erwin's work, his voice soft and distant, though there was a note of satisfaction, his own sense of pride.  

" Yeah. My mother says I'm really good. No one else in the Pack can match me." 

"Ah, then you must practice a lot. It takes time to get it jut perect, yeah?" Erwin probed, careful. He wasn't entirly sure the boy picked up on it, but Jean said nothing in response. 

The two were quiet again for a time, Erwin keeping up his slow pace, allowing Jean to take in all the colors and styles and techniques the alpha had attempted over the seasons. He was still observing the boy more then his work, noting things he'd prevoisly missed

 wondering how he could have missed them. 

It seemed the more he looked, the more he felt his heart sink and his fists tighten. 

Jean was not a large boy, by any means. In fact, Erwin supposed that even if the boy were to achieve some height some day, he'd still be of slim and lathe form. He was only seven years old, from what he'd been told, but still...even for such a young age, he seemed just so...small. Too thin, body like spun glass so fine and delicate, his skin really far too pale to be that of a healthy pup who ran and mock-fought with his packmates during the day, letting the sun and earth strengthen his body and help him grow into a fine young wolf. No...There was something definitely indisputably wrong. 

A branch could just as easily break as naught, but one could never claims the apple if one did not go out on the limb. 

His voice was soft, but caring, parental. He'd capture the boy's attention and heart, and it was time to see if he was a little more responsive. 

"Jean...why are you out here alone? It's nearly dusk and the others must surely be back at the dens with their parents by now, having supper. Yours must be wondering where you've got to, don't you think?" 

Erwin wasn't sure if it counted as a figurative step backwards, but Jean definitely took a literal one away from the alpha, the look of absorbed intrest fleeing his face as distrust and anger smothered the flame once more. Erwin groaned internally as he realized his brief moment of progress with the boy had left, spoiled with his proding ( though necessary it was.) He didn't expect to receive a real answer, but the one he got anyway was no less troublesome to the mind. 

"My parents don't care if I stay out too late. I don't think they'd care if I stayed out all night." 

The bitterness in the child's voice stuck discordant notes within the alpha. Certainly...this was not true. No, really. Erwin didn't know everyone in the Pack yet as much as he'd like, but, he'd met this boy's parents; they were amiable enough, or being complete stangers with him. 

The boy's mother that was. 

His father...Jacob Kirschtien was, quite bluntly, a closed-off person. The alpha contributed to hunts and patrols, and always had a fair bit to say at council meetings, but never was it mentioned that anyone in the Pack was particularly close to the man. Erwin had tried to greet him once or twice, but he'd always assumed that Jacob's snide undertones was the man's way of coping with change. That Jacob was the sort to need time in order to be more open woth people, and being a forgein alpha, Erwin would need to give him that space. 

The Prime Alpha's growing suspicians and Jean's irregular ways, however, told a very different tale - one where Erwin was now almost completly sure the boy's father had yet to show the true underbelly of his nasty side to the other alpha. 

But Jean...Jean had seen it. Had felt it in full for...gods, who knew how long.

He'd been alone - no one else in the Pack seemed, for all of Jacob's standofishness, aware of the situation, or that there was a possiblility of such a situation at all. Erwin himself was questioning whether he really was over-reacting at this point - after all, how can an adult wolf, the parent, harm a pup, their own child? I was - it was ludicris. Unattentive, sure. Neglectfull, perhaps, but...but this...

Erwin had not meant for the growl to break through his carefully construced mask, but the rumble that echoed in his chest and throat still sent Jean gasping and skittering back, wide-eyed and whining in submission, afraid of the alpha's reacton once more, eyes locked on the space between Erwin's feet to make sure even accidental eye-contact was impossible. Erwin felt his growl wish to increase at the display of fear and defensivness; at what incidents might have occured to instill these actions in a pup as such. It wouldn't help, though. Jean didn't need that. 

Ewrin let the snarl peeter of by itself, instead of choking it back as he supposed might have been better, and stood, slipping the forgotten sketchbook into his pocket once more. Jean straightened up a bit, noticing the man's movements, mimiking them slightly. Erwin sighed, long and deep, watching the boy watchig him, and ran a hand over his face. Honestly, if he'd been mildly uncertain as to how to proceed before, the man was utterly lost now. Something like this just didn't happen. 

The alpha snorted to himself behind his hand. Go figure something like this would be the first major issue he'd have to solve as a Prime Alpha. 

Eventaully, Erwin shifted, turning towards the darkening time-worn trail behind him, and beckoned with one hand to the pup still standing so awkwardly - understandable. Jean wasn't privy to the man's thoughts, and this had no doubt been a very odd encounter for him. The both of them, really. 

"Come, Jean. It's late, and despite what you might think, I beleive your mother would be getting worried." That much he knew to be true at least. 

As expected, Jean said nothing, no even nodding to confirm he'd heard, merely padding forward and following the alpha down the path, eyes fixed on some point over Erwin's shoulder, the dark beytraying nothing of his state of mind to to elder wolf, not that Erwin couldn't guess. 

The walk was shorter then Erwin remembered it being, the party of two eventually breaking the treeline and stepping out into the open air of the Pack grounds, breathing in  deeply the welcoming feeling of being back with their own kind. 

The cookpits had been lit some hours ago, summertime being more inclined to produce comunal meals. Families were milling about, eating, talking, laughing. Children sat in their little friend-packs, one group Erwin noticed, playing a human-style dice-game, betting cleaned bones and shiney pebbles. Erwin strode forward, but paused at the lack of footsteps echoing his. 

Jean hadn't moved this time. He seemed to be hugging the treeline, not willing to make his presence known the Pack yet. Gold eyes swept the gathering, fast and calculated; Erwin wondered if the boy was searching for an unfriendly familier face. 

He wanted to wait a few more moments for the boy to make the decicion to come forward himself, but in the end, a gentle hand to the shoulder and an encouraging word were needed to prompt the pup to move at all. Erwin did, however, slow his pace to match the boy's halting one. Gods, the little thing looked about ready to bolt with each step, strung tighter then a snap-trap. It couldn't possibly be healthy. 

Eventually, Jean's feet, whether inadvetently or not, lead the alpha and himself to a den concealed cleverly behind a boulder on the side of one of the hills overlooking the grounds. Erwin insticually scented the area, making note of the area in his head.  Stood at the entrance to the den was a female beta, scent filled with repressed anxiety. As soon as she saw the pair, however, 

"Jean!"

"Mama..." 

The woman rushed foward, gathering up the pup into a hug that looked just this side of too-forceful-to-be-comotable, snifing at his neck and hair, fussing as any mother would about their child, (much to Jean's voclized chagrin and Erwin's subsequent light amusement). Satisfied her pup wasn't greiviously wounded, the beta turned her attentions towards the alpha. 

"Thank you, sir, really! I'm sorry if he was any trouble to you, Jean's got a bad habbit of running off without telling anyone. It sends me up a wall, honestly!" ("Mama!") 

Erwin only shook his head, pleased that the boy at least had one person worried about him. 

"No, no trouble. We actually enjoyed spending some time to get to know each other." 

"Well, ain't that a change of pace. Little thing is usually such a cuss when anyone else so much as looks at him." 

A figure moved out of the shadows of the den, not tall or broad by any means, but imposing all the same in agressive stance and scent, harsh tawny eyes only a few shades off from that of his son's locked onto Erwin's, sending hackels raising.  The two ony stared for a moment, neither one paying much attention to the beta pushing her child behind her and leaning away. The lesser alpha was the first to break, nodding with heavy reluctance in the smallest form of respect his pride would allow.

"Erwin Smith. Alpha." 

Lips thin and face anything but amiable, Erwin nodded back, the action so minute it might as well have been a twitch. 

"Jacob." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I would like to thank you all for commenting this story! It's really nice, and I'm glad people are enjoying it so much! Secondly, I, ahem, also realized this was going to get longer then just two chapters, but the next will not be nearly so long in updating. Thank you all for your support! I hope you enjoy it.

 The challenge was practically visible in the air around the two alphas, even if the lesser had already ceeded. Erwin had half a mind to accept the unvoiced opposition then and there - cast him away, kill him even. Shadowy little thoughts reminded him that no-one would oppose him. He was Prime Alpha, after all. The Pack ran under his rule now. 

A sigh, and a proverbial waving away of the toxic, smokey little thoughts. Erwin knew no matter the situation, he was not that kind of man. He did no ill towards those undeserving, and as of yet, in the eyes of all but the sadly privalaged few, Jacob was undeserving of Erwin's rightful wrath.  Keeping any agrivated scents out of the air was becoming difficult, so he took the time to glance over his opponent, taking him in fully. 

By all accounts, Jacob was what Erwin would consider 'precisely average', in terms of alphas, anyway. His hair was an off-blond, again, much like that of his son's, but going ever-so-slightly silverly at the edges. A slight scruff grew on his chin as though he'd not bothered to shave for a few days. No, the wolf before him wasn't as young and spry as he'd been ten or even five winters ago, but signs of it still managed to shine through in spots. Strong arms, certainly. Not the fastest of runners Erwin had heard, but his endurence was good; very willfull too. Evidentally. 

The rival under scrutenty shifted his footing, the lines of his body growing rigid, licking his lips a few times, badly suppressed frustration eeking out in scent before speaking. Oh, he hadn't liked that little stare-down, had he? 

"So, where was he this time?" Dark eyes flahed towards the boy toying with his mother's loose cloth pants, wide distressed eyes avoiding the skewering gaze of his sire. 

Erwin shrugged, nonchalant, keeping his tall stance but relaxing his brow and letting his shoulders slump a bit. No reason to worry here.

"Oh, around. Ran into each other while I was coming back from reciving a report from an incoming party. He told me he'd lost track of time and was rather in a hurry to return to the dens. I was on the way back as well, so I figured it would be best if we came back together, though I do appologize for keeping him. We got to talking, you see. Jean's a clever boy."

Young amber irises flickered upwards to the tall alpha for a moment, before casting down agian, puzzled but silent at the alpha's 'confession'. Jean was a smart pup, and certainly one who would take the out with little prompting. Erwin just smiled plactingly at Jacob's carefully blank expression in the face of the statement. What was going through his head, Erwin wondered, one couldn't say. What came out, however, was...not wholly unexpected.  Jacob's lips turned downwards, teeth flashing before lips drew tight over them, and he didn't bother hiding his growing scent, patience running thin. 

"Is that right. He was far enough out from the dens to meet an incoming hunting party?" 

The alpha turned to scowl down at his son, still tucked halfway behind his mother, looking any direction but towards the one filled with fire. "Thought I specifically told him to stick close today." the tempestuous alpha gritted out.

When a beat passed, and Jean hadn't moved, Jacob's eyes narrowed, throat clicking against a barely-held back snarl.  

"Well? What the hell's the matter boy? You got cloth ears?!"

By the time Jacob had finished spitting out his scentence, his voice had taken a razor's edge, cutting and lethal. Erwin's hand twitched, the only movement he allowed his stone-still body. Anthing else had he might have...acted far too preemptivly.  (Though, in glancing at Jean, Erwin was beginig to doubt his resolve.) In any case, his shot at placing some of the blame upon himself had flown right over the bastard's head. 

Erwin folded his arms, the action (thankfully) drawing the other's eyes away from his chosen target and back to him. 

"Yes, well...that wasn't all I came here for, accually. It's to do with you as well." 

Jacob was quick to jump on the new frustration about to be added to his life, running his eyes suspiciously over Erwin, still chancing glares at his son and mate. Erwin silenced his own building warning growl at such a display and continued on, hoping the clinical nature of his next words would give him time to recover some control. 

"The patrol report I'd mentioned was from Mike and his group. They said they'd encountered the scent of humans and investigated. Though there was nothing else to tell they had been in the area was found, it was too fresh to be overlooked - it's possible there's some troublemakers from one of the closer villages looking to stir up unnecassary strife." 

Erwin paused to guage the lesser alpha's reaction. Again, Jacob's face had donned a carefully constructed mask, though looking closer, one could see the cracks. Irritation flikered in his honey eyes like the reflection of the cookpit flames. His scent was bitter with want of rebellion, scalding the Prime Alpha's soft pallet and driving his instincts into an aching urge to physically drive him down, remind him just where he belonged in this hierarchy. Erwin took a steadying breath through the mouth and pressed onwards, praying the back of his head he wasn't wrong. 

"Due to this new possible threat - and I realize you of all of us should understand, with your family to protect and all," Jacob's right eyebrow twitched and something in the back of Erwin's head chuckled in dark amusement, 

"...I have decided to make adjustments to sevral shifts, to better utalize the skills of the parties. You'll be joining the dawn partrol on the human borders, starting tomorrow morning." Erwin finished, a finality in his voice most would take as law.

It was spoken, and no taking it back. Besides, Erwin thought as he keenly observed the elder wolf's face, it wasn't like his statement wasn't true - Mike had brought back a report of suspicions of human activity where the forests thinned out into open unclaimed scrub country, and Erwin was just setting up different squad arrangements that would best accommodate this possible threat. The fact that Jacob's shift would keep him out of the densite and the general camp area - and away from certain persons - for a good portion of the day was just...happenstance. 

Well, happenstance or not, Jacob himself looked like he'd been asked to sleep in a pit full of live timber rattlers, eyes darting from Erwin to his mate and pup to the ground, hands clenching on his hips, claws dubiously extended... Erwin stepped forward, just so, more of a lean then a step, making sure he was looking Jacob in the eyes and using his better height to press him in.  The Prime Alpha's voice was no diferent from that of a second ago, in tone and volume, but he knew Jacob could hear him all the same. 

"Will there be a problem?" 

Whiskey gold clashed with shadowed azure. If you are going to, do it now, you defiler...

"No, alpha." It almost looked like it pained him. 

\---------------

The candlelight was gone, stripped away and dousing the world in silky inks. Every few seconds a curious moth would silently waver by, off to burn itself to death in whatever fire caught its fancy, sometimes obscuring the single beam of moonlight that had managed to slip through the high forrest canopy and directly into the opening of their den. It was rather pretty, the juxtaposed light and dark playing off of unclothed skin and jet hair, but as Erwin sat on the edge of the furs in a shared nest, the night found neither of them much taken with the beauty. 

Though summer nights in their woodland home were by no means quiet - the small peeping frogs and bats and crickets and occasionally an owl calling out making as much activity as the daylight hours - it seemed muted somehow, in the privacy of the earth den. The interior worlds away from the realities that lay just a couple meters ahead. Levi, ever to the point, 

"So...what do you plan to do about it?"

Erwin couldn't find it in himself to react immediately, only hummed with acknowlament, hand rubbing tiredly at his eyes and massaging his temples at the headache he was sure was coming on. 

It had been so increadibly hard to pull himself away after Jacob's guiet submission. There was no reason or Erwin to stay after, and sticking around would only antagonize the alpha more, and Jean deserved as calm a night as he could afford - Erwin despertly hoped he hadn't made it worse inadvertently. With his father's new post assignment, Jacob hopefully wouldn't have time to waste on senselessly getting aggressive with the boy. Even so, Erwin wished he could do more, even if this was all his tied hands allowed of him. The alpha pursed his lips, fangs clenching on nothing. His hands were in no way tied for options of action...rather, he was binding himself with a moral thread of great proportions and even greater ramifications, the likes of which might stretch farther into the future than previously thought.

He'd retured to the den after seeing that the nightwatch had been sent out and every one was fairly situated. He hadn't really been able to stomach much supper, and attempting to look over the written corespondence from the neighboring Packs to try and ease his nerves had only made his head spin, so the alpha had simply stripped down to his underclothes and washed, waiting for his mate to return. When the smaller wolf had made an appearence and washed himself of the dirt and weariness of a long day spent on his feet, Erwin wasted little time with pleasentries and sweet nothings. Though he had no idea how he might react to such news, Levi was his second in eveything. He would want to know about this. Especcially this.   
   
Erwin let his mind track over his mate's semi-rhetorical quesion, maybe trying to glean the inspiration his own corkscrewing thoughts lacked. Oh, he knew what he WANTED to do alright...but there was just so many other things to take into account. 

There was the pup. Jean. Jacob's mate Delilah too. While Erwin could out the alpha of his crimes in a public Pack Hearing, use the advantage of the many against the one, there still remained the uncertainty of the reactions of the child and the mate. Folk did weird things when bonds and parenthood was involved. Erwin felt the pull of uselessness, brows furrowing even deeper. Levi, surprisingly, had not spoken up yet about his sudden silence when not an hour ago Erwin was practically on the verge of shouting. He just lied behind his alpha where they both rested on the furnest, quiet as the shadows that wreathed their home. The alpha would have figured he'd want to either put his own two cents in, (or perhaps in a more Levi-like fashion, ask his mate if his brain had suddenly leaked out his ears.) Maybe that would have helped...

Erwin sighed, and removed his hand from his head, the thin sliver of moonlight cutting a stark line across his face, the light blinding him momentarily, but the jolt roused his circling mind a bit.  

He COULD just accuse Jacob of pup-abuse outright and deal with him without waiting for a rebuttal or trial. Even if he presented no immediate evidence, those in his small-but-growing circle of close associates would know he had no reason to lie about something so severe...but what effect would such a swift, violent act have on his reputaton within the Pack? How far back might that set him? The very last thing anyone needed was to lose faith in authority, especcially with the balance so recently upset - it was not himself Erwin worried about, but Packs broke apart and disbanded under such a stress. Without leadership and an alpha to band together under, uncertenty would lead to sub-grouping and eventually internal conflict. 

Burring his face in his hands once more the alpha hunched forward, groaning. He had to figure this out...it would tear his apart if, because of his negligence as Prime Alpha, something truely terrible happened to...he didn't want to think it, the idea invoking images of times during his travels, decimated densites masecured under bright cruel steel, those bloodthirsty human groups...

A tentative hand suddenly gripped his shoulder, a body sidalling up eside his own, brining him back here, to their den, where all were alive if not greatly well-off. Glancing over from between his fingers, Erwin noted the omega's own small form was tight with anxiety, fingers a little too tense. Erwin had a sudden thought of how difficult this might be for Levi to hear, and all at once. He was not a typical omega...but that didn't mean his instincts were non-existant. His mate took a breath, long and bracing,

and then he spoke.  

"If you want MY opinion..." 

The alpha stilled at the trailing statement, hushed in the quiet of their den. Erwin hummed in askance, head cocking to the side, slightly. It would seem his omega had decided to indugle him in a few words of his cruely-earned wisdom. Levi continued, 

"Jean is young. Very young - and probably more than pretty fucking confused. Obviously his mother has only been able to do so much in terms of keeping both him managable and his father placated at once." 

The omega deliberated for a moment, seeming to choose his words carefully. Erwin was still, offering no pleas or urgings to continue - when Levi spoke, one listened, only. As it was, even in the whispered tones of their shared existence here and now, Levi's voice was low, murmering. Almost as if he were not speaking to anyone but himself and his own shadow. Levi's eyes had wandered for a moment, focused on something Erwin could not see, perhaps a time long passed but never forgotten, before looking the alpha wolf in the eyes. A heatbeat passed, and Levi seemed to shake himsel free of the gripping pull of memories.

"Things will always get worse before they get better, and I think that, however you handle this - which you will have to inevitably - that part IS unavoidable. Shit will come down, and come down hard. The only thing you can do - " 

He cut off, not looking away from his attentive mate, but slim fingers began to idaly toy with the fur covering his lap, a tick Levi had never managed to break himself of, and the alpha felt his chest tighten with concern for his mate, a tug at their bond warning of the storm of emotions that lay hidden just under the surface. When he continued, his voice was low and rough. 

"...is attempt to choose the option that you'll regret the least. Whatever happens will be on your head, by your hands." 

Words Erwin had heard before, and yet had never failed to glean motivtion from. How he managed it, he wondered...Levi shrugged, finally, leaving his idal fiddling to run a minutly unsteady hand through his hair and sigh tiredly. The dark lines of his ryes grew faintly more so.

"Like I said, Jean is young, and doesn't really have the experience or capacity to make well-informed choices. Delilah is...too close. She might not like the bastard any more than you or I, but he IS her Bonded. It muddies things, and fucks the BOTH of them in terms of making executive decisions." 

Which is where Erwin would have to come in. 

It wasn't just a job, it was his solemn duty, one he'd taken on with full awarness as to his new responsibilities. Abruptly taken with a memory of three weeks ago, Erwin thought back on the oath of alphas, those few moments passed between only the Champion and the Defeated of Prime Alphas. When he'd killed old Pixis... 

A promise to uphold the honor and dignity of being a Prime Alpha. The weight if the lives of all those under you a constant reminder of what it means to lead. To guide and protect with your life. 

Looking up and meeting the unwavering gaze of his Bonded, Erwin felt something settle in him. Call it resolve, or just the knowledge that he wouldn't be alone in his efforts any longer, the alpha found the invisible band constricting his chest a little lighter. 

Turning his body towards the smaller wolf, Erwin leaned forward to rest his forhead against Levi's, taking a moment to soothe the braced nerves and calm the uncertenty in their bond. The black wolf took his small inquiring touches, a rare thing, and nosed softy at his alpha, assuring him he would not break for all of that. Erwin's cautious fingers playing along the edges of his mutilated throat, not daring to add any pressure, but a gentiling gesture all the same. I see you, you are alright...Levi's purr was so low it was barely a sound, more like a vibration deep in his chest, warm, for all the wolf's cool quicksilver tendencies. 

Pulling back from their intimacy, the alpha sighed once more, and leaned back, tucking a fur under his head and opening an arm to his mate. Levi accepted with a roll of his eyes, but in the end they were both tired, physically and mentally strained to the limit this day. Erwin relaxed as Levi settled himself against him, and mumbled the only thing he could think of. 

"We'll hope for the best then." Levi's reply was grumbled and weary, and tugged painfully at his heart.

"Don't count on miracles." 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear fucking god this chapter gave me hell. It's way longer then the others and this is the SHORTEST version I could do! But hey, Pov change!
> 
> Also, I don't think I'm going to try and predict when I'm going to post updates, because I never seen to stick to those anyway. Ugh. Thanks so much for sticking with me and my inconsistent-ness anyway!

Rosey light with just the barest hints of a gold sheen dusted the very crowns of the trees. In darkened little valleys between the roots, the fog of dawn still lingered, though it wouldn't last. The days past had been long and scorching, a brilliant crystal sky leaving little room for errant moisture. Even the nights were heated, often to the point of tossing and turning on his nest the pursuit of a spot that wasn't too warm to sleep on. He wiggled his toes as he breathed in the scent of waning shadows and starlight, enjoying the cool grass under his bare feet while he could. 

Stood in the entrance of his family's den, the earth hollow framing his small form, Jean looks out upon the barely-awake grounds content to remain as he is. Just for a little while. 

The space around him was all lilacs and periwinkles, lightening every second, and the next colors always seemed more lovely then the last. Jean's hands itched to find the paints used to have that he had long given up to the smaller pups, to maybe try and capture some of this feeling. 

The boy glanced behind him into the darknes of his den home, and felt his mood drop, scolding himself for the wayward thought. 

The urge was gathered up and clutched close to his heart, burried deep once more. It felt like swallowing a fist-sized gindstone and settled just as heavy in his gut, but the itch was...successfully weighted down now. Mostly. 

Jean bites his already bruised lip against a shudder, fingers twisting between each other and he stares out at the morning some more. 

He isn't allowed, and he knows that. Be a fool to persue it, like he'd stupidly tried to at first. Jean carefully scraches at his shin, mindful of the ache left there from days before. No, a fool he isn't. 

The pup shied back suddenly, pressing himself against the rock wall to his left when a group of early risers passed close to the concealed den. They carried baskets of game, herbs and other vegitation Jean can smell but cannot see. Oh. Jean blinked, his breath puffing out from where it'd caught in his throat, his heart stuttering to a normal rhythm again. Just members of the Pack making breakfast for those not inclined to fetch their own. Nothing, really. Not...

As they moved to join others who had also woken with the dawn, lighting fires and coaxing coals to life, Jean watched on. They hadn't noticed him, and honestly, he was rather content with just that. Observing without anyone bothering him, looking him over... 

Jean watched and listened as they conversed in hushed, mindful tones amongst themselves. A good amount of them were young, though still far older then him, and more then a couple were omegas. The boy leaned back, sitting on his rump and tilting his head lazily. Sweet smells began to accompany the growing golden light of the sun, it's rays just breaking through the trees leaving patches of fiery orange dappling the ground. A little grin he could not supress spread over his face when he took another tentative sniff and his nose found boiled oats, walnuts, and a plentiful assortment of wild sweet fruits. At lease breakfast will be good.

The smile is gone quicker then it came when his sensitive hearing picked up the rustle of something definitly not leaves or grasses behind him. His heartbeat rises painfully fast and he suddenly can't seem to draw in enough air. Sharp eyes fixate on the darkness of the den.

The soft padding of footsteps bring a round face with long braided hair into his sight, and though logic would dictate it was his mother all along, the pup still slumps, noticably calmer even to himself. 

Mama...just looking at her sometimes is dificult. 

Jean doesn't know why - it's all so strange, but perhaps it has to do with the creases beside her eyes that grow a little every week, every day. The way her broad, steady hands, hands that held him and shushed his distress once were now heasitent to reach for him, shaking as if helpless under their own weight. 

Something undefinable had shifted in her. He felt so...so mad sometimes at this unnamable thing that had taken that away. Changed her so, how dare it! 

The beta stood behind her son, finishing the tie on her hair and slipping on the soft boots, before looking down to acknowlege him. Jean didn't say anything, just stared up at his mother and shuffled to move out of her way. Her eyes lit at the sight of him all rumpled from sleep and missing his usual prickly coat of arms. With a small rumble of amusement, she reached down to try and smooth over the locks of blond hair that stood in every direction possible - a hopless endeavor, really. 

When Jean gasped at her raised hand, twitching his head aside in an instinctual flinch, she stilled, her arm frozen in air. 

His wide eyes caught hers and the momentary hurt there. He didn't...didn't mean to...

The shewolf sighed and leaned back, a carefully well-meaning smirk sliding with the ease of too much practice over her drawn face. 

"Getting too big to let your mother fuss then, are we?" 

It was a beat before Jean shrugged, shifting into his usual selfassured scowl." 'm not a baby anymore. Don't need you to be all...messin' with my hair and stuff all the time." He could name a dozen others his age who let their mothers and fathers do such things. Publicly, too. No-one else seemed to mind the attention...Jean's mother scoffed and unexpectedly tugged at his ear. 

"Yet here you are still in your nightclothes, all askew and up at this hour?" Her eyes hardened a little, straightening up and placing her hands on her hips. "Not thinking about running off again, aye? We've had more then enough of that, Jean, you hear?" 

The pup puffed up indignantly at the accuisation...though a strange feeling washed over him too, and it wasn't very nice. Something icy and very definitly resentful. It wasn't even directed at his mother and her stern tone - he was far too used to that by now to care much unless even HE knew he was in real trouble - but still, the thought persited. Jean shot back, mimicking her stance perfectly. 

"I ain't even dressed! Like I'd wanna go out and have people laugh at me for running around in my underwear, you crazy old woman!" 

The beta barked a laugh, forcing Jean to scowl harder but his heart lighten, despite himself. For a moment, the dark feeling brought on by remeberences of his transgression the night before were gone, forgotten after his mother swatted at his bottom for calling her old, chasing him back down into the den to put on proper clothes and 'come help the rest of us hard-working individuals if you've got nothing better to do then pop off to your elders.' 

Jean had stuck out his tongue at her before ducking into the den to retrieve some clothes, and start work on the day that would hopefully turn out better then the last. 

\----

The cheery mood the morning had started out with could only ever last so long, not that Jean had come to expect anything different. 

How today would turn out had seemed to have been decided the night previous. Jean had been hustled down into the den practically the moment Alpha Erwin had turned his back, his mother desperately anxious and his father spitting hellfire. 

Again, nothing new. 

Someone out there just gave been listening to his prayers though, as he found himself spared of anything more then a couple of ringing smacks upside the head and a night without supper before being sent to his nest. 

Well, he couldn't say it wasn't at least partially his own fault. Jean felt like cursing the thought sometimes, it was always his fault...

A pair of glazed whiskey eyes watched a squirrel weave around the branches of the trees lining the open grounds. If he grew up to be a hunter, he'd learn how to expertly shoot them through the eye, or knock them dead with a slingstone. Actually, Jean thought, staring blankly at the creature busily stuffing seeds into its cheeks, he knew a few other pups who were already practicing such tasks, and becoming pretty good at it too. He sighed dejectedly and tore his hazy attentions away from the prey and attempted to actually get on with the task at hand.

His mother had recruited him to help her and other Pack betas to cloth weaving. The small wooden looms had been set up in a circle, and the adults seemed to be perfectly content to pass idol and utterly mind-numbing stories between them as they worked. In fact, after initial 'good mornings' and well-wishes had been said, they'd hardly acknowledged Jean's existence. Fine by him.

He'd been set to straightening out the skeins of thread and yarns. At first, knowing the long, boring task set before him, he'd tried to make it a game - see how many names for the colors of the yarn he could think of - and it'd worked. 

For a bit. 

Glaring down at his lap, Jean eyed the mess. The pup pulled at a single length halfheartedly, wondering if the color was more dirt brown, or tree bark brown.

After a moment, Jean decided it was either one and either one could go hang for all he cared. 

Eyes wandering back to the trees trying to spot the squirrels again, he felt the incessant itch rise. Fingers twitched where they were buried in the mess of threads inadvertently tracing lines and shapes. He wanted - small claws dug into his thigh, the pain helping pull him away from the buzzing beneath his skin threatening to come swarming out like a thousand angry hornets. 

Something in his expression or perhaps his young scent must have caught the attention of his ever-vigilant mother as he heard her excuse herself from the dull grown-up conversation she'd been having with a friend and moved over to his spot sat just out of the circle. Jean didn't even need to look up properly to know what was coming. She told him practically every day now. 

"Jean - " Oh, but his tongue was loose and his patience, what little he possessed, frayed to a fiber. 

"What?!" 

The snarl curled off his lips before he'd even realized he'd done it, young teeth bared white and glinting.  

Conversation around them hushed momentarily at the loud outburst, onlookers' gazes skittering over Jean's awareness like flies over carrion...they were watching him...

"Jean Kirschtein!" his mother bit out after the shock of her own pup snapping at her had worn off.

 The boy in question shrank down like a great weight had been deposited on his shoulders, lips sealing over teeth and neck angling away just so, a whine he couldn't hold for long burbling in his throat. He heard the betas behind his mother murmuring to each other, his mother no doubt hearing them too. Jean's body felt jittery, like he'd shake apart if he didn't hold still enough - he detested the feeling of her eyes on him, looking down at him in anger...and disappointment. 

His mother kept her stare for a near-full minute, scrutinizing him with a terrible frown and acrid scents of displeasure until, seemingly satisfied, or mollified she blinked. 

Slowly, the shewolf closed her eyes. Breathing deeply and bringing a hand up to smooth a few flyaway hairs escaping her loose braid, she considered the pup before her. Softer her voice then the loud bark of a moment before, 

"Jean, darling..." The sentence trailed off into an uncertainty that made the boy's shoulders hunch even more. He couldn't look at her. The woman tried again, even softer, making to crouch down in front of him, sighing. "Pup...I'm...I know you don't like being here. If you could only - " Jean jerked his head up sharply and the beta paused again, fixated on burnt honey eyes shining with unshed frustration and pleas unheard. Twitching arms and legs, senses that wandered with an ever-growing apathy towards anything presented to him. 

"Oh, Jean, I wish it were that simple," she whispered out. The statement hung in the air, stagnating in the burning of the noonday. "You have to be here today, love. He'll get even more upset if you make a fuss. I'm sorry I can't - " the beta cut off her useless apology, pausing as an idea came.

 With considering eyes, she glanced down at the tangled mess of strings thrown to the ground in Jean's previous frustration and then back to her group who'd taken up their spinning again. When she turned her attention back to her son, 

"How would you like to run some errands for me instead?"

Jean tilted his head, considering for a moment before frowning slightly. Errands didn't sound terribly fun - he would be stuck playing fetch-and-go the whole day for a bunch of adults who had too much on their minds to bother being polite to him anyway. Eyeing his mother critically, Jean didn't think this placation - which it obviously was - was a very good one. 

Having sensed her son's reluctance, the woman added, "After weaving we're going to do the wash. I'm sure you would much rather be helping us with that...aye?" 

The she-beta smirked as her son growled and gave her perhaps the most theatrical sigh and pout she'd ever borne witness to. She saw his acceptance though, and with a pat on the head that was customarily brushed aside, she stood to rejoin her group. Jean followed at her heels, the same energy as before coursing through him, crackling across his skin like the sunlight from above, but now with an outlet. It was going to be put to better uses today hopefully, instead of just sitting and building pressure - a dangerous pressure, like a corn kernel in a pot. Cook it too long... 

Pop.  

\----

He could barely see over the bundle he carried, the pile of soft deer hides stacked  over his head ready to be delivered to others around the Pack. Jean's arms shook with the effort it took to keep the load from tumbling to the ground, but he was being watched - he would show them how useful he could be. 

A shewolf - Nanaba - had given the little blond pup a highly bemused look when he showed up with orders to take whatever finished and cut tannings they had and deliver them to whoever needed them. She'd smiled indulgently, slipping him a few candied walnuts for his trouble and gone off to see what needed done. The hides themselves had been strung up between the trees, wolves busy scraping off fat and viscera with sharpened bone knives, probably made of the same beasts the hide had come from, while others rubbed precious salt into the leather to cure it. Jean wrinkled his nose at the smell - the summer sun heating the discarded flesh to a nauseating sweet-sick, though the adults working seemed immune to it after so long spent working the tanning. If there was one job the boy was sure he'd never accept when he got older...

After a few minutes Nanaba had returned with a massive pile of furry leather, almost as big as Jean himself, abruptly dumping it all onto his arms nearly toppling the boy. He was glad to be gone as soon as possible, setting off without properly saying goodbye or thanking Nanaba for the treat. 

Walking along, Jean couldn't really see anything directly in front of him, and he was so concentrated on not tripping on a dangling fur or dropping one accidentally, he didn't see the large body he was on a collision course for until he had already run smack-dab into it. 

 Jean gasped on reflex, the earthy scent of alpha sending a shock of sudden panic down his spine - what if it was him? What would he say? Would he get angry? Jean was helping, he was doing what he was supposed to! He jumped back, trying to put as much space between him and whoever it was as possible; as such, with his armful, the pup really only succeeded in his own downfall. With a small cry of surprise and then one of pain as he landed hard on his rump, the warm hides blanketing him, Jean fell backwards. Breathless for a minute, Jean didn't dare look up for fear of what may await him. A considering rumble sounded from above so deep the pup felt like it was vibrating through him - but it was the chuckle accompanying the low sound that got him to finally lift his face, burning in shame though it was. 

The alpha would have towered over him, even if he was standing. Jean faintly piked up the scent of the shewolf he'd been with previously on the alpha he'd carelessly walked onto. Oh...this was Nanaba's mate. Jean tugged a rabbit fur off his head as he cautiously observed the whiskered face looking down at him. Father liked to complain about this alpha a lot, almost as much as Alpha Erwin, 'cause he worked with him so often. Jean didn't think there was anything wrong with the alpha - he hand't said a word, about Jean's mistake or anything yet, he just kept looking at the boy, like he didn't know what to make of him.

"Hm, that makes two times we've run into each other now. Alright there, pup?" came another voice, though it was in no way new. 

Jolting a bit, Jean looked over Mike's shoulder and into the bright blue eyes he'd learned to fear like the roll of thunder on the hills or a raised hand. His throat closed around words unuttered, growing hot and very uncomfortable under the mound of his fallen burden in the sunlight.

 Erwin didn't seem affected by this, his expression never diverging from from calm, unruffled lines. Still, Jean couldn't ignore that his Alpha had asked a question, even if all his stiff body could do was give a tiny nod. Erwin returned the guesture likewise. 

Time stretched on, Jean unwilling to look away from the alpha males and continue on his way just yet. He hadn't been dismissed. Didn't want to make them upset or something, and Erwin was Prime Alpha - he remembered the defeat of Pixis well enough, thank you. Awkwardness might have begun to take root too hardily between the two, had not Mike coughed and leaned back, turning away from Jean and concentrating on his superior again.

"I believe that's all I can think of for now...we'll keep you posted, unless, you'd like to come along?" 

Erwin's eyes snapped away from the boy, relief heavy in his scent, probably without meaning it to be. "Yes, that's - I think that'd be a good idea...ah, has Levi said anything?" 

The taller blond shook his head. 

"Haven't seen him since breakfast, had he didn't bother to eat anything anyway." 

Erwin cursed at this information, and Jean took this as his cue to leave. The alphas were clearly becoming engrossed in whatever important Pack things needed discussing and he was no longer being acknowledged. Good.... Gathering the hides was easier this time, as most of them had called in a pile anyway, the fur still attached to some of them burning hot now with the sun, but Jean didn't complain. The sooner he got out of here the better, just being around Alpha like that prickling his nape so badly - 

"Ah, hold on there!" 

No.

No, no, nononono no please sir, no - ! 

Jean could only watch as the alpha stepped forward from behind his Packmate, hands dipping into a pouch buckled at his side. Jean tripped backwards again, heart choaked in this throat, whipping his head around. Please, not here, right out where he'll see! Erwin paused his search when the sharp scent of undiluted fear picked up, Mike shifting back a little behind him. The alpha held lifted one hand, smiling lightly. 

"Jean, " the alpha started, evidently making to say something to ease the distressed pup before him, practically shaking in his skin. The tanned hides the only thing keeping him from running as he's done before, but backtracked quickly, pulling a very familiar notebook from his bag.

"Look, I don't have much time to talk now, I've got to leave with Mike soon but," Erwin opened the book and without hesitance, tore out a few pages from the back, folding them neatly, "I want you to have these. I know parchment is difficult to come by unless it's traded for or bought, and most of it is used up for things other then drawing material, but I want you to have these. If for nothing other then to keep yourself occupied."

Jean blinked at him, never dropping his guard even as the alpha turned his sight away to procure two thin sticks of charcoal, the scent of ash and burn still strong on them, and a length of twine, tying the impromptu parcel together tightly. The pup hadn't moved an inch - wasn't sure he could, really - but when Erwin leaned down to kneel before him he visibly stiffened, sucking in a tight breath. The man's soft expression never lifted, and he never made move forward, save to offer the gift. 

He didn't know what to do. He should run - he always had. But he couldn't. And - and now this man was offering him something to soothe that savage, nagging itch, the twinge in his fingers he loved for so long and had grown to hate. From the alpha's own sketchbook, too. Oh, such an offering...Alpha Erwin was smart though

...surly he must know? 

Jean shook his head, fear making him unable to breathe - he couldn't, he couldn't! Not from this man, not from anyone! 

He wanted to cry, the shameful urge whelling up so unexpectedly he was amazed he hadn't stared bawling like a babe right then. However, ever true to his alpha nature, the man persisted, pressing the paper and pencils into the trembling boy's arms alongside the furs making sure one was...draped over the parcel. When he spoke next, his voice was so low, Jean wasn't sure even Mike could hear them, standing as close as he was. 

"I want you have them, Jean. I'm not using them so much, they'll just go to waste should I keep them. You out of anyone deserves them." The elder cocked his head to the side, abstractly mimicking the funny ear tilt he'd done yesterday. "Besides, I know they'll be in capable hands." 

Alpha Erwin couldn't...he - it wasn't possible, but it was like the words he was speaking wern't really what he was saying. 

Jean's insides were cold.

He couldn't know. 

He kept his eyes on the boy's for a long, long moment, probably waiting for him to refuse again, a thousand reasons as to why the small gift should be accepted on his tongue...but no more complaint came. Nodding decisively, Erwin stood, brushing off his pants as if the act had meant little more to him then a pat on the head.He turned to the other alpha once more, satisfied with the discourse of actions. "We'd better get moving if we want to meet up with the patrol and be back before sundown." 

Mike murmured in agreement, the two men beginning to walk off across the open grounds and east to wherever their duties lie, passing more words that Jean had no doubt interrupted between them. 

Alpha Erwin didn't look back. 

Jean wondered if this feeling would become a regular thing; life-as-usual spinning endlessly on around him while he stood at the center of it all like the world's oddest hub. Lately it had always seemed to involve the strange new Prime Alpha. The crinkling of the secret gift caught his attention again - not that he could have ever forgotten about it - and a dread filled him, terrible and yawning like the black abyss that swallowed evildoers in the stories. 

He needed to get rid of it. The charcoal, the paper, any evidence that it or its previous owner had ever come near him. 

Jean threw aside the furs and held the paper tightly, too tightly, in both hands. Perhaps he thought that if he concentrated hard enough..it would just go away? Maybe it would burst into flames or become dust - that happened to people and things in stories, right? He could throw it in the steam or, or maybe just dig a hole, bury it and never ever mention it again. His grip was wrinkling the paper, he could feel the charcoal cracking under the pressure of his fingers, 

cracking like something else, not entirely physical. 

Never had a gift given in good-will felt heavier.  

Air whistled in his ears as he threw himself across the grounds. The wetness of his eyes made it hard to judge just where he was going, and he ended up almost running into a few people on his way to wherever it was his feet were taking him. He didn't care. Not today, not yesterday, maybe not even tomorrow. Oh, there would be a punishment for this - not just from his father but maybe from his mother now, too. She'd told him not to, and he'd defied her. Defied everyone; swallowing hard, it seemed to Jean being disobedient and a waste of time was all he was anymore. 

Finally reaching the treeline, Jean slowed his frantic pace, sniffling hard while he toed the path leading off into the cool green. A shiver passed through him at the thought of what might aware him should he step one paw into those trees without explicit permission from anyone...

Jean brought up a hand to gingerly rub at his arm and the dark spots marring the skin under the long sleeve where no-one would see. Jean's other hand hadn't left its clutch on the illicit gift. He hated it, it burned just to hold it but the thought of tossing it away - 

A minute passed; the sunlight beating down on him in his stifling clothes and perhaps something else, a little seed of that willful pride within him sprouting, urged him forward a step towards the shade of the forest. And another. And a few more. 

What was another day? 

\----- 

As he walked, Jean restlessly cast his eyes around him, a habbit (precaution, really) he didn't think he'd ever shake. It had been a while since he'd been out this way, the more populated areas of the densities. In truth, he'd just prefer to keep out of sight of anyone at all but the pathways to the more secluded places in the territory were through here - good. He didn't really feel like talking to anyone, this throat still thick and his eyes red. 

The dens around were sporadically placed. He passed a team working on digging a couple new ones, wolves disappearing into the sizable hole in the ground and coming back up to dump the sacks of dug-out soil, bare arms and legs coated with it. Wolves darted about between dens carrying out chores or orders. A few lay dozing and conversing quietly in the cool grass, enjoying the rest and warmth of the day. 

Summer had always felt like such a slow time to Jean. The rest of the year always seemed defined by some form of constant activity - winter being long and tense and always watching the borders between Packs closely for unwanted poachers when the prey turned scarce, autumn often a dash to finish up storing what could be cured or kept to hold out the following snows and the daytimes steadily growing shorter, and spring was busy with recounting what may have been lost in winter and the start of building up again, clearing away the old. Summer was supposed to be the peaceful, lazy time of year. 

The pathways between the burrow homes was a many-pronged long-worn track, and Jean was passed several times on the trail by members of the Pack. Each time, his hands clutched the contraband tighter to his chest, eyes firmly locked on his own feet, but no-one said anything. No-one even bothered to pause at the sight of him. Still, the boy fond himself holding his breathe tensely until they each passed and his heart choke up into his throat until he felt their eyes slide over him as if he was nothing more important than a rock or shrub. After all, it wasn't their place to worry about him outside of the general concern all adults felt for the pups of the Pack. 

Out here the trees began to grow older and taller, den's for larger families nestled in between the thick, gnarled roots. Jean made sure to keep his head low and pick up his pace when he spotted a few couples enjoying the day with their younger pups, the small, new scents of the babies tickling his nose funnily even from this distance. 

He knew they saw him, though. Or at least acknowledged his presence - they were parents, how could they not? And what a sight he must make, all alone out here away from the open grounds, no parent or playmate.   

Jean wandered on, eventually coming to the end of the trail with any dens long behind him. The endless trees pressed close to him from all sides, wild and unknown. Insects buzzed past his ear, a multitude of birdsong accompanying the rattling of the highest canopy leaves where the wind wasn't broken by the  trees and growth. Jean often wondered what birds made of the world, soaring so high over eveything on those wonderful winds, not a care or worry about Packs and rules and anger and hurt...

 He knew where he wanted to go now, and he knew what he wanted to do.  

It wasn't hard to find. The biggest tree in the territory, it was an Alpha amongst all the others. As thick around as nine or ten men, dwarfing anything that stood before it, certainly a little pup like him. Gazing up and up, it was like a tree without end!  Jean didn't even know what kind of tree it was, only that it was older then the Pack - maybe even as old as the times of the first wolves themselves. 

Choosing a suitable sitting spot, Jean's sharp eyes roamed the enormity of it, so every careful and critical. Nothing else but the finest would suit this lord of valley and vale. 

The boy pulled out his tools, smoothing as best he could the parchment and testing the softness of his charcoal. Jean's whined unhappily at the rough stone he'd have to use as a drawing board, knowing the texture of the rock would come through in the drawing...but, knowing full well he shouldn't be out here in the first place, he had no right to complain about it. 

Taking another long look at his gargantuine subject, Jean pressed down, and began.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. I have decided that this needs finishing, and I'm not as good with words speaking to my audience as I am entertaining them, so I'll try to keep this to the point. 
> 
> As most of you who, for whatever reason, still take the chance to read this chapter, and the next few ones to the end of this story, you'll know that this is essentially a fanfiction of a fanfiction. An author, now no longer active and here by the name of Fearthekiera, wrote a very long story full of adventure, world-building, and character that many enjoyed greatly. This work inspired lots of people - it sure inspired me, and was one of my main driving forces in writing Attack on Titan fanfiction at all. 
> 
> I have several thoughts on this author deactivating from tumblr - and several more on her completely deleting all of her works, completed and not, from Archive. But it's not my place to comment. She has made a decision and whether it's a decision the followers of that person likes or not, it must be respected. 
> 
> I intend to finish my stories, with or without their origin worlds. For those of you coming to this for the first time, I must offer apologies as to what confusion you might have in regards to this narrative. For those of you who have thankfully returned to give this one more try...I apologize for my absence here. It is not my intention to take command over the world I write here, nor my desire to. It never belonged to me in the first place. 
> 
> I only want to finish what I started in lieu of others unable to do the same. 
> 
> Thank you

_The Prime Alpha's dreams were troubled. Wreathed in a hazy darkness that clung to his form, drowning and dulling his senses, he was running through a forest of vague shapes and ghastly apparitions. Always always dancing at the edges of his vision and slipping away again before he'd had a decent chance to see them. Some were only shadows of faces and scents, others - others he knew with wrenching familiarity. Someone was constantly screaming, high and shrill - its sounded like a child. Was he running to save them? Or running from the beings now crowding his sight, choking him with their presence? It was too small, every move he made they tightened their grip, it was louder, so loud, roaring in his ears and across the trees to shake the foundations of the earth, through him - Its me, can't you see? Its me! Father it's ME-_

"Alpha? Alpha Erwin, sir?"

Reality barred down upon him with a force of a war-hammer to the chest, fast and too brutal, sweat sticking the furs underneath him to his back, itching. Erwin started upright with a gasp, breathless for a few moments, trying to make the world make sense again. The ghiests, the lost spirits of the Shadow Woods...not here? Darting disturbed eyes about his home, scenting the air thoroughly...nothing.

The shadows upon the dirt walls remained fixed, all sharp and unwavering lines in the sunlight of the late summer morning rather then the incorporeal demons The air still, only stirred by his movement and the little drafts of fresh air that slipped in from outside. Nothing old and dark and dead...The voices that had snapped him to waking both clear and distinct. In the earth room, the heat of the day had fully set in, even under the surface, all providing a grounding the alpha clung to in wake of his fading anxiousness. Erwin heaved a great sigh, counting his heartbeats for a moment as it settled, leaning back far enough to almost lay down again.

The alpha knew there was no Shadow spirits here, in this place of mates and Pack and life. Nothing terrible enough for their gaping maws and empty eyes to feed on...

Erwin's fingers stilled against his temples where they'd begun impulsively rubbing. It...it was just an errant thought...surely such a blot on this Pack - it would not be enough to call forth the lost and damned into the green forests of the living?

Such notions were the stuff of fairy stories and pup tales anyway, the same as any human telling their offspring of the great monstrous wolves that lived in the evil forests and stole children from their beds under the full moon. Even Erwin had been fed his fair share of such stories when he was still young enough to believe that the worst horrors of the world were invisible malevolent spirits, but ultimately found there was little evidence of their candidacy.

In any case...most people wouldn't become something like those creatures in his dream. Couldn't. And a spot of malady like...like pup abuse, if he was being brutally honest, probably wasn't enough to disrupt the Mists that kept living from dead.

If Erwin chose to believe in such things anymore. 

The alpha let out a tired breath, letting his arms flop uselessly to the sides. He'd probably need to see someone for the headache he was no doubt going to get before the day was done, but, turning his head to the left, the den, and all its content exactly as it was last night. No monsters, no screaming. The nest of soft furs under him, and Levi - oh.

He should have expected the empty space in the nest next to him, just large enough one could imagine a small body curled up next to his own. The only thing left of the little raven wolf was his scent and that was faded enough for hours to have passed since last the man had laid there. Frowning but knowing it was too late to do anything about it now, the alpha grumbled in silent resignation. Levi came in from patrol so late last night, he was out again so early... Levi never did sleep very well or for very long. Erwin cursed his bluntness when they talked the night previous, probably keeping his mate up for hours with a disquieted mind after he himself had long fallen asleep...

A second more masculine voice called out this time, breaking the mans gloomy trail of thoughts. "Is everything alright, sir? Sh-should we come back later?"

Erwin looked up towards the direction of the voices, the rounded tunnel of light that led up a path to the outside world. Though slightly muffled by earth and stone walls, they were still recognizable. Shifting to his knees then standing, ignoring the stiffness permeating body from hours of fitful sleep, Erwin made his way to the entrance and the heralds of his impromptu wake-up call.

As thought, it was two persons who greeted him. A pair of betas, young Petra and Auro, if he recalled their names correctly. Sifting through his muddled thoughts, Erwin thought he remembered seeing them around most often when Levi returned from a patrol. Even at only seventeen and eighteen respectively, and betas, they were being groomed as Pack warriors, spending long hours running and training under Levi and a few experienced others rather then the calmer hunting and den-tending. Glancing over them now, Erwin found himself moderately impressed.

Enough so to bring to light his own disorderly mess of a self.

Choking down what would have been a rather embarrassed whine at the notion of him greeting his subordinates in nothing but his sleep pants, though unfortunately unable to keep the moderate heat from coloring his face, the alpha inquired, "Is there a problem?"

The betas relaxed some at his neutral tone, glancing at one another but still remained alert in the face of their leader. It was actually somewhat comical to see such young faces so drawn and serious. Petra shook her head.

"No problem, Alpha, sir. Mike sent us for you. Said he wanted a word is all, as soon as possible."

Erwin blinked, recalling the conversations of the past few days and what exactly his packmate might wish to discuss with him. Looking down at his betas, the alpha nodded once decisively. Turning back to descend into the den once more, Erwin called over his shoulder, "If you have no other duties for the morning, run and tell him I'll meet with him shortly." 

With a chorus of "Yes alpha!" and a patter of paws over earth, Erwin was left alone to his thoughts once more.

\---------

Jean stared down at the damning evidence in his hand. It was...a masterpiece. He'd never drawn anything better, he doesn't think. The branches of the great old tree had been difficult to twist and crook the way they were meant to go, and all the little knotholes and the way the light dappled in from the crown of it's own leaves. It looked like the pictures he's seen in Alpha Erwin's book, if a little sloppier and with the addition of smudgy fingerprints around the edge where he'd concentrated so hard he didn't realize he'd been getting the dark charcoal dust all over his hands, his clothing...

He wondered how long he could stay out this time without anyone finding him and bringing him home. He hadn't managed after sunset yet...did he dare risk it at all? Maybe he could just run away. Betas left the Pack all the time, looking for new places and Packs and lives. Jean could...be like them, maybe...

"Oi!" 

Jean jerked with a little cry broken out of his panicked musings so suddenly, eyes darting about wildly, heart in his throat. His hands fumbled at his drawing a he moved quickly to fold it up and tuck it away from any prying eyes, hidden again. In the same harsh whisper, that really wasn't a whisper at all, hissed again, "Oi, we're here, you stupid! She'll catch you!"

Jean had nearly spun himself in a circle, looking at every shrub and shadow or the source of that voice, calling out in confusion, feeling himself growing even more agitated, 

"Wha-?" 

The detached voice seemed to groan quietly to themselves, muttering something to another who murmured something back. Jean, who had luckily stopped trying to make himself dizzy, focused his hearing. He found himself looking...up? 

"Ber-Bertholdt?" Jean squeaked incredulously at the head of dark frizzy hair that peeked out at him from the green foliage of an old oak. The boy in question eyed him blankly but said nothing - as was Bertholdt's usual way. It had not been the dark pup's abrasive yowling voice that had first called out to Jean though, and ever in his friend's shadow, Reiner's boxy head popped out from the tangle of high branches, staring at him quizzically, as if it were perfectly sane to be run up a tree like a squirrel while Jean remain on the firm ground, silent in befuddlement and more than a little apprehensive. Reiner hummed in irritation and gestured for Jean to come closer. 

"Come on! She'll catch you and then that'll give us away, and I'm _not_ letting us lose this one, right Bert?" Reiner asked and elbowed his companion who only gave a somber nod, then leaned down as much as he could to offer Jean a hand. As for himself, Jean looked at the two of them, then back to the pathway leading up to the open meadows where the other, younger pups must be playing, and blinked.

This - this must be a game. 

Not sure what he must have been thinking, (returning to the dens, to his 'chores' and his mother's fussing and the silent sickness of sitting and waiting for _him_ to return) Jean took the hand outstretched for him and Bertholdt hauled his slight weight in to the tree. "Didn't think you'd actually come. You're never around anymore - ain't your ma let you?" Reiner mentioned offhandedly, shuffling aside to give him room to crouch as well. Jean's chest twinged, recalling his exactly his mother had looked at him in such pity and worry, words of how unfair it all was seething inside...Jean opened his mouth to retort that he was perfectly fine, however, words that he knew would hurt to speak but would allow no others to pass, but it seems such was unnecessary. Reiner reached over to forcibly clamped the smaller boy's jaw shut with a harsh click.

Pawsteps crunched over the leaves and underbrush below. 

Jean didn't recognize the pup stalking along the ground under the tree immediately, but he knew the scent well enough. Female, a breeding season younger then him, if that. Her scent mild, of upturned earth and blackberries (filched from the well-tended groves the Pack grew no doubt.) 

Sasha was on the hunt. 

The three boys were still in the tree, not daring to move more then their eyes which were locked onto the female anyway, hawk-like. (Reiner especially, with his bright yellow irises so striking and eerie.) Jean was tense, unprepared for both his sudden inclusion in the game and from...other things on his mind rather then ruining some mindless fun for his peers. Oppositely, Bertholdt looked as if he might pass out and fall from the tree though, eyes wide with what one could mistake as real terror. At what? Sasha? Jean, unexpectedly, felt a little bubble of laughter bloom inside at the ridiculous notion. Sasha could play rough, and was as wiley as her parents (a couple of lone wolves who had looked to find some stability in a Pack when they found they were with child), but she wasn't like...dangerous. Jean managed to stifle himself, though perhaps his mind lingered on the small feeling of merriment. It seemed in the end, however, it was all for naught anyway. The light feeling in his chest overrode his caution, and Jean moved without a first thought, impulsively shuffled away from the awkward, nervous Bertholdt. The tree limb under the three boys, no matter Jean's slight weight compared to the larger two, shifting the branch. Somehow, all three boys managed to freeze even more. 

Evidently, his slip didn't go unheard. Sasha's fuzzy ears swiveled to the back seconds before being followed by an energetic jump and bark, four short limbs splaying out and tail held high in preemptive triumph as she about-faced abruptly to catch her quarry. Her yelp masked the sharp gasp the treed boys took at the sudden movement. When the shepup didn't immediately come face to face with her unwitting prey as she had first supposed, her tail lowered and she waffled about, grumbling at making a fool of herself. Jean was already beginning to smile along with Reiner and Berthold's relieved grins, when Sasha dipped her head to nose at the ground. Suddenly, Reiner and Berthold weren't smiling. Jean only managed to raise an eyebrow at this when not even after a few seconds, Sasha tipped her head back and let loose a long, _loud_ trilling howl.

Damn! 

"Run!" Reiner shouted sending Jean's ear ringing in the process and exploded from the tree, closely followed by his companion. Jean, head spinning but now feeling a disjointed need to to not be left out though this would be the perfect time to let them rush away after each other and he himself slip quietly away, half climbed, half fell out of the tree. In the end, it ended up saving him - Sasha had already taken a few bounds after Reiner and Bertholdt when the other had dropped and was scrabbling in her confusion. Jean was here too? Jean was clever enough to not waste an opportunity, and used it. Legs pounded the earth as soon as he'd landed, four buckskin-blond paws sailed over the little brown she wolf's head. He looked back and noticed her shake herself out of her shocked reverie before jumping after him. Jean's grin matched hers, wolfish and wide at the sight. 

Though they'd had a better head start, he caught up with Reiner and Bertholdt quickly, settling into place right behind them. Bert barked at him in greeting as he joined their three-man cell, and Reiner growled to urge them on - Sasha might have been delayed but she was slipperier then wet fish when she wanted to be. Jean could hear her paws drumming the ground not far behind them, another howl echoing through the trees. Jean rumbled back at them in camaraderie. They'd just have to outrun her then, wouldn't they?

Together, Jean and the small pack ducked and wove among the underbrush of their home like eels. For all Reiner's bulky build - square and heavy and hinting at the definite possibility of true alphan muscle someday - he navigated the dense woodland groves relatively well. Jean wondered if that was talent or just practice, momentarily feeling a flare of jealousy at the prospect when he knew he himself could probably do much better given the chance...On the other end of the spectrum ran Bertholdt, all legs and ears and paws that were too big for his own gawky body, tripping over his own feet (and just about every other branch and rock in their path) stumbling along yet somehow managing to keep upright enough to run. Again, must be on account of sheer practice. Distantly, Jean recalled that Bert's family were not born of the lush valley woods like him. They came from far-off open moors and rolling plains of grass, their long limbs perfect for chasing down the monstrous preybeasts that roamed there in herds of countless numbers, nimble as deer. The thought of big, lanky Bertholdt as anything short of clumsy was enough to banish the envious thoughts. Jean was a forest wolf, through and through, smaller then Bert, sleeker then Reiner and swifter then the lot of them if _he was given a chance - !_

A nip at the tip of Jean's tail sent his thoughts scattering and him yelping, shooting a glare and bared teeth over his shoulder. Sasha only growled back and the three boys redoubled their efforts. They didn't seem to have a real destination in mind, rather, just an end goal to evade Sasha and possibly find a good hiding spot again so the hunt could start anew. Maybe find some others and team up with and her to send _her_ running from _them_!

Jean found the world slipping by with each footfall and breath of air in his lungs, but growing in clarity all the same. Instincts, that's right, adults were always telling him about them, about listening to his instincts, how one day he'd come to rely on them as much as his logical thoughts. Less so did he actively think about what might happen should Sasha catch him or what would indubitably be waiting for him back at the dens. He only had ears and eyes and nose for his packmates, the punch of air down his panting throat, the feel of his claws digging into the soft earth over and over again, the dappling sunlight on his sandy fur. How sheerly good it felt to exist here, jut as he was. As a wolf.

Maybe it was the excitement, the thrill of the hunt and being the hunted.

Perhaps it was just poor footing and misstep.

Maybe both.

Whatever the reason, as Jean took a big jump over a fallen half-rotten log easily cleared by his running mates, he knocked a paw. His legs refused to stop running though, and without proper rhythm,

he fell. 

The hard earth was merciless, slamming up into him with more pain then the blonde pup had ever though possible for one small body to feel. Jean didn't realize he'd even changed back to human form until Bertholdt and Reiner's panicked whimpering pierced his ears and Sasha's crying face swam before him - oh. He was crying too (nonono don't let them see, can't let them see) Something wet and warm filled his mouth and Jean gagged as he spat it out. Red.

His shirt was red, his lips were red - the saliva he'd spat out was horribly pink and Jean's mouth _hurt_. 

A patter of quick footsteps interrupted the small group's anguish, larger bodies filling the space with gentle, airy scents of calm, easy. Through his frantic breathes and gasping moans of agony, Jean heard soothing voices, questioning. His pack mates were answering in wavering tones. Jean didn't really hear them - his whole face now felt like one big bruise and he kept expelling sickening coppery blood. Ohh...

Someone leaned down in front of him and he look up through his tears to see a face he didn't know, only vaguely recognized by scent as just _Pack, adult, omega._ Jean didn't even need his nose to know the last one. Of course it was omega, omegas were always around pups and Jean was a pup...Jean didn't realize how dazed from the pain he was until a water skin was offered to him and he took it without thinking about it. Jean's brain seemed to be moving in half-time still, reliving the fall over and over again, stuck on a loop and still not sure the accident - which it invariably was - was really over. 

His playmates looked equally shocked and worried, and he was noticing only now that other scents and bodies had come into the fray as well.

His...friends.

Connie hanging around Sasha who was being comforted by another omega because she thought it was her fault Jean'd gotten hurt. Ymir, who talked too much from what he remembered with little Christa who never said much of anything at all. There are others, but they aren't pups Jean was particularly close with, inconsequential. Hands move into his line of vision and the pack omega urged him to clean out his mouth, sticky with drying blood and spit, which Jean still balked at. 

The water was lukewarm thanks to the heat of the day and it mixed with the blood and thick spit, all nasty and salty. Jean spit out the first few mouthfuls, but took a real swallow after the taste wasn't so bad. The water stung his gums weirdly - a bolt of sudden terror lit up the boy's insides and he unceremoniously dumped the water pouch as small fingers came up to probe the sore orifice. The omega assisting him winces at how he jabs at his obviously hurt mouth, but Jean doesn't care. He sticks his fingers into the mess, not caring at this point how filthy his hands are or how it makes his mouth hurt more - 

He's missing a tooth. A canine, to exact, the shallow hold the milktooth had in his gums knocked out with the force of his landing leaving only a small indentation and lots of thick blood. 

Jean feels himself shaking even as the omega coos and pulls his hands away, picking up the water skin again and pressing it back into his hands to have him swish and spit some more. It's...sort of funny in Jean's shaken mind, how they can all be so calm when he feels blown apart at the seams with nerves, moving without thought at their imploring. 

"You need to take a few deep breathes, Jean. It's only a milktooth. You're alright," they say. Jean shakes his head minutely. The omega hums, leaning back where they crouch beside him. "Your mother should have told us you were well enough to come up here and play today. You should have told us you were here." 

The comment breaks Jean's spiraling train of thoughts for a moment. Well enough? He...wasn't sick? Hadn't been recently anyways, not since the damp cool of spring rains had passed, when most pups his age got sniffles. Why - 

Jean blinked, and looked back down at his hands holding the leather pouch. _Oh. That's why._ Water spilled as his hands tensed and relaxed against it, and he knew the small crowd was looking at him oddly, at the weird little pup who was supposed to be sick and staying back at the dens and clearly shouldn't be out here with his packmates running around. He was clearly not meant - he'd tripped and ended up knocking his own damn tooth out. Jean winced against the stinging of both his eyes and jaw, bowing his head as he swallowed around the horrible lump blocking his throat. 

The tear tacks from moments before were mostly dry, but they were soon rejuvenated by a flood of more, silent and shivering as they left clean lines in the blood on Jean's chin and dripped dark speckles on his already ruined shirt. The omega before him sighed and started to stand, placing what was probably supposed to be a comforting hand on his shoulder to lead him away. As if anything would really be a comfort right now.

"C'mon. Let's get you back - " Jean's breath hitched and he shook his head violently back and forth, though such movement pained him now. He ducked under the omega's hand and scooted back several steps, eyeing them warily. He...he - no. Not right now. Not yet.

"We were having fun," Jean manages to whine, wiping at his face. A futile effort, only making more of a mess.

The omega didn't seem impressed, furrowing their brow and stepping towards him again. Jean was hard pressed not to take another step back, make an even bigger spectacle then he was already. "Dear, you're hurt. That was a pretty nasty fall and I think your parents would rather make sure you're alright then have you here for the rest of the day." 

_Jean didn't want that!_ He thought of what might happen if they found out - what might happen to him. His mother could not protect him, might not even find grounds to protect him this time. Jean had disobeyed her, and by extension, his father by running off again. Jean felt the slight crinkle of dry parchment against his hip where he'd tucked it away. He broke his father's rules...Jean stared up at the soft, concerned eyes of the omega, dizzy with the want to somehow make them understand without telling them anything. 

"I don't want to go home," Jean breathed, his tears long spent but the want to express more still there. 

For maybe a moment, Jean thought they might have seen something. Heard something hidden in his voice and allowed him just that little bit of hope that maybe, maybe...they could ignore the blood and tears and clear Pack omega instinct that told them to get the child back to their parent. 

Jean never had very good luck these days though. 

The omega sighed and shook their head, looking like they really were sorry about ending the pup's fun. Something inside Jean, small and bitter and biting like a pit adder hissed that they'd be a lot more sorry about doing this to him if they knew. If they _knew_. "No...I don't think so. You've just gotten over an illness," that he never had, "And knocking your tooth out, even if it's just a milktooth would be enough to make my mother worry herself to the quick. I know your mama, Jean, and she'd have all our tails if she didn't hear about this the second before it happened." 

They smiled at the frozen pup, figuring they'd made a some levity of the situation - a joke, like Jean was just in pain and shock from the fall and sad about being denied and just needed it to cheer up. When Jean did not smile back, just stared at them with shadowed amber eyes that weren't even focused on them anymore, the omega's smile slipped. Looking down before clearing their throats and standing, they turned to the other caretakers and explained they would be taking the pup back to the dens. There were murmurs of acknowledgement, and the adults began herding the rest of Jean's peers away. Reiner and Bertholdt and Sasha seemed to hang back, reluctant to leave, but as Jean met each of their eyes, they turned away with shame and let themselves be pulled back with the group. A hand gently landed on his back, and Jean couldn't help the way his shoulders jerked at the touch, head ducking. Expecting. 

The omega withdrew their hand as if it had been thrust into a cookpit, and didn't touch him again as they walked slowly back down the path.


End file.
